Breaking News:
God, Founder of Christianity and CEO of Heaven, is abruptly fired
Face of the moral crisis 'terminated,' will stay on board of directors

Heaven’s boss, God, who led the giant 2000 year-old institution of Christianity into a steady decline over the last century, has been abruptly terminated. The immortal deity, who earned $484 million from the Vatican over the last eight years, won't receive a bonus or severance payments, but will keep his salaried post on the board of directors when he leaves as CEO at the end of the year, reports the New York Daily News.

The pope called God’s removal a "good first step" in safeguarding heavenly interests, and blasted "disastrous strategies" by God that led Christianity "toward ruin." Vatican indulgences funds hold nearly 5 million Go-Straight-To-Heaven shares. "The leadership that ran Christianity into moral bankruptcy should not be running Christianity during moral bankruptcy," said the pope, who filed a motion in court this week demanding God’s ouster.

The recession, unsatisfactory weather and failure to end the War in Afghanistan were also cited as reasons for God’s termination.

No word yet on who will take over the venerated post.

—Peter Dudley