Saturday, February 20, 2010

Laundry Tip Of The Day

Monday's Laundry Tip Of The Day:

Should you happen to run out of laundry soap, an excellent substitute is dishwashing liquid. Put 5 quick swirls of the stuff into your washload and it will work just as well as any expensive laundry soap. Tough on grease, gentle on hands (if you happen to be doing a load of those), and 10-20 times cheaper.

Try it sometime on a load you're not too worried about. You will be pleasantly surprised.

Tuesday's Laundry Tip Of The Day:

Ready for a change? Is your wardrobe looking old and tired? Liven things up with a few drops and spritzes of straight bleach! Guaranteed to transform just about any clothing item into a capricious splash of pure summer fun! Cautionary tip: take advantage of your new wardrobe quickly. The corrosive properties of bleach will lend a porous quality to your clothing which, while temporarilty enjoyable, does shorten their lifespan and will fail to keep you comfortably warm in the upcoming fall and winter months.

Wednesday's Laundry Tip Of The Day:

When expecting company of the opposite sex, DO IT (the laundry, that is, Gentle Reader). An overflowing laundry hamper communicates slovenliness and out-personal hygiene, and could give the 2D prospect concern that their undergarments may disappear forever if left unattended during a visit.
For Bedding Laundry Only:
Recommended timing is that bedding is stripped and washed one night prior to male prospect's actual arrival. This will ensure the bedding is fresh and clean, while giving it one night to absorb the pheromes of the female, which will "personalize" its olfactory signature.

Thursday's Laundry Tip Of The Day:

Do not paint laundry. If attempting a paint project, stash all in-use linens in a closet. Do NOT remove linens from closet until paint has dried thoroughly, especially if the closet doors were included in the paint project.

If you do end up with paint stains on your linens, the following will remedy it: decide it was meant to be and that the new lines on your bedding are runic ciphers from an ancient forgotten tongue which you will one day, on your path to enlightenment, come to understand the true meaning of.

Friday's Laundry Tip Of The Day:

If you need to rid yourself of an unwelcome guest of unwanted memories and associations, scrupulously hunt down every scrap of laundry you can possibly drum up and get busy washing it, drying it, folding it and hanging it. Then put every last item in its correct place, and exhale. Now get on with it, whatever "it" may be.

Saturday and Sunday's Laundry Tip Of The Day:

If you find yourself doing laundry on the weekend, get a life.

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